Top ten THIS motherfuckers!

Ok so this morning we heard on the radio that askmen.com had put out their anual list of the Top 49 Men. The top ten are:

10. Bill Clinton
9. Jorge Perez
8. David Beckham
7. Johnny Depp
6. Jerry Bruckheimer
5. Tom Ford
4. Lance Armstrong
3. Richard Bronson
2. Jay Z
1. George Clooney

An intersting list, we found. While it is dominated by the image of rich, hetero, and white, we find this list to have a healthy mix of politicians, athletes, and hollywood celebrities. There is the token black man (stupid Jay Z) and the latino activist (Jorge Perez), so obviously Ask Men has their bases covered with this. Then we noticed that there was a Top 99 Women list. Ninety-nine! we thought, Wow!

The top ten women listed are:

10. Eva Longoria
9. Natalie Portman
8. Amerie
7. Jessica Biel
6. Charlize Theron
5. Maria Menounos
4. Adriana Lima
3. Angelina Jolie
2. Sienna Miller
1. Jessica Alba

.....

Actress, actress, singer, actress, actress, host of Entertainnment Tonight, supermodel, actress, actress, actress.

Wow. All of them white (except idiotic, single-named Amerie), all of them under 30.

This hurts us, truly. Besides the fact that some of these women are downright ugly (cough*Menounos*cough), all of their pictures are taken in full red carpet splendor. Which is fine, as everyone wants to look their best, but CHRIST look back at the top ten men! They are 40+, wrinkled, saggy, and some of them are downright nasty*. Richard Bronson is obviously not as rich as everyone thinks he is or he'd be able to hire a proper hair stylist. And the same goes for you Jerry Bruckheimer! God, how we hate Jerry Bruckheimer.

ALSO, and this part really takes the cake, the criteria for getting onto the women's list was based on their 'desirability'. IS THAT EVEN A WORD YOU CHAUVANISTIC PIG FUCKERS??!?!?!?!?! The Top 99 Women were chosen based on those that were "collectively deemed the year’s most alluring" while, for the men's list, readers were asked to provide "the names of those men that you consider to be the best representatives of the male gender". So the men are listed according to some fictitious notion of manliness, while the women are listed according to fuckability. (Consequently, if one examines the numbers of the two lists, one will notice that there are two women for every man, with one extra woman... a wild card, perhaps?)

How many women on this list will be remember in one year? In five years? In ten? How many will be knocked off as soon as a few crow's feet sneak onto their faces, or their breasts stop being so perky? How many made it to the list because of their exceptional mental abilities? We see no female politicians, atheletes, producers or trillionairs, no mention of intelligence being attractive at all. And while we shouldn't really be suprised, considering the site itself, which boasts five million readers a month, is directed at men only, there are still five million men learning to condone the objectification of women! The sexism and predjudice here is more obvious than a twelve foot erection singing 'Yankee Doodle Dandee'. If we were Stephen Colbert, we would say 'AskMen.com, you're on our list!' Anyone who dismisses the idea of double standards is a twat and rapes donkeys.

So go ahead and drool over your precious Jessica Alba, while the rest of us, with our 'love handles' and 'stretch marks', contort our minds and bodies to fit into your ridiculous notions of beauty and sexuality. Despicable.

eli's wounded Soul

*We do not include Johnny Depp and George Clooney in this, as they are smart, talented, sophisticated gentlemen who are simply divine.