Top Ten Fuck Yous of the Year!

To counter this seasons overwhelming sense of cheer and good will, we have compiled a list of the top 10 things/people to which/whom we would most like to say 'fuck you'. And so, we begin with...

1. Fuck You Global Warming

Rain? At fucking Christmas time? You've got to be kidding. We don't have waterproof shoes, gives us a break for crying out loud.

2. Fuck You Fergie

Your song, Fergalicious? Worst lyrics ever. Even worse than K-Fed. Anyone who sings about how great they are deserves to be shot. This 'song' makes our ears bleed, ho-bag.

2. Fuck You Christmas Shoppers

Yes, we all hate them. And we aren't talking about regular people shopping at Christmas time. We are talking about the obnoxious, stressed out, ugly loud-mouths who feel they must buy the absolute best gift for every person they've ever met, and who charge through the malls in a panic with no clue as to what that absolute best gift actually is. You people make us sick - you are all capitalist whores who believe materialism is a good thing. You will get lumps of coal for Christmas.

3. Fuck You Public Transport

They got us good this year. There are just too many things to begin. Just think of the thing you hate most about buses/trains/metros and scream 'Fuck You!'.

4. Fuck You Random Pot Belly

When your goddamn pants don't fit anymore, it only means one thing - you've got an infestation of pants-shrinking gnomes.

5. Fuck You Westmount

Ok, we are sure that there are nice, kind hearted people who live in Westmount, but for the sake of brevity; fuck you. You know who you are...

6. Fuck You Tabacco Industry

They always get a fuck you because they kill people.

7. Fuck You Wal-Mart/Shell/McDonald's

The top 3 conglomerates that rule the world. They also kill people, or rather, they kill souls. Behold, the face of evil.

9. Fuck You School

We are tired of being graded on how accurately we can regurgitate whatever knowledge a so-called teacher has jammed down our throats. Grades are relative and pointless - you simply cannot summarize the entire extend of your knowledge into one letter grade. The human psyche doesn't work that way, so why is our entire society based on fucking letters and GPA's?

And last, but not least...



10. Fuck You Donald Trump

You heard us, you ignorant, sexist, toupeed slimebucked. Now, while Rosie O'Donnell is most definitely irritating beyond belief, that is no excuse for what you have said. Calling someone fat, ugly and stupid is what 9 year olds do, not supposedly accomplished laywers. If beauty was a requirement for television success then you and your hair would have shriveled up into a pathetic puddle of goo a long time ago. And you know that trophy wife of yours, who's young enough to be your granddaughter? Yeah, we banged her last night. Seems like your shriveled nubbin of a penis just isn't doing the trick anymore. When you die, we are going to make sure every lot in the graveyard within a mile of your resting place is filled with fat lesbians. Then we'll spit on your grave and write 'Here lies a man eaten by a rodent which was mistaken for his hair piece' on the tombstone. You sir, are a horrible, sickening individual.


Did we miss anyone/anything? Additional recommendations are highly welcomed.

Eli