Let's be clear about this...

Title to continue as possibly:

- Harper is a soulless robot monkey who will never be defeated.

- Dion is a pussy.

- Mustachios unite!


Bloody conservatives get a stupid advantage - they merged all their craziness into one party, forcing left-wingers to split their vote between pussies, mustaches and miscreant hippies. We are pissed (angry, not drunk), and it's time to sling some mud.

Mr.Dion - YOU ARE AN OPPOSITION PARTY. This means that you must OPPOSE the party in power. Stating in your acceptance speech that you will be working WITH the Conservatives does nothing for your image as a giant, gapping fuck-hole. Although, why are we surprised, when you've done nothing BUT enable Harper and his ridonculous policies over the last 2 1/2 years? Dion, you are a smart man. Please step down as party leader and let someone with (metaphorical) balls take over. Please. We don't want to see you try to play hockey again. Just... go away.

Mr. Harper - You and your entire cabinet sicken me. I refuse to recognize you as the leader of my fine, fine country. You are a fat, blubbery monkey who is incapable of looking his debate-mates in the eye, let alone say anything that goes beyond the party line. You're behavior as prime minister has consistently made me ashamed to share a nationality with you. I hope you meet your demise in a bitterly ironic accident involving a oil rig run by incompetent foreign interests and a 14 year-old artistic violent offender.

CBC - TWITTERS????!!!!!!!! Fuck you.

Since this election seems to have been one giant, expensive exercise in futility, we are forcing ourselves to look on the bright side, though "bright" might not be the appropriate term...

- NDP in the house! Props to Outremont for electing Quebec's first NDP riding leader. Proud to say that we have a relative in that riding who happened to pin Mulclair's boutonniere on his suit this morning, therefore we obviously have an intense, spiritual connection to this victory.

- Congratulations to the ABC movement for shutting the conservatives out of Newfoundland/Labrador. You know you've done something wrong when your own MP spearheads a movement in his region named Anything But Conservative.

Well... We can't really think of many more positive aspects to discuss. We're pretty fucking ticked off. We almost lost it when CBC aired John Baird's acceptance speech. In terms evil henchmen, he's way up their with Rumsfeld and... let's say Odd Job. Since we seem to be getting a little loopy, we are going to stop this ranting madness, after this one last point...




To all you supposed Canadians who didn't vote today: Hide your faces - you should be ashamed of your sorry, pathetic lives.

Do you realize that you are privileged to be allowed to participate in your government, without fear of retribution? Do you realize that there was a time not-so-long ago that, should you have not been a member of the social-elite, you would be physically prevented from casting your vote? Something that you obviously deemed to be so inconsequential and unworthy of your precious time used to result in riots and revolts - it used to represent your membership of this country.

If voting is so inconvenient to your hectic schedule, please feel free to emigrate to a country where such a burden is not place upon its citizens. Just don't expect to enjoy the same luxurious human rights laws as Canada is so fortunate to possess. God forbid you take half an hour from your day to make a mark on a piece of paper. Christ - is television really that good right now? What else are you going to do on a random Tuesday night?

Eli needs a drink. Eli needs to sleep. Eli needs to not be doomed to another Conservative government. Tonight, we go to sleep dreaming of coalitions...

Elielieli

PS - This election had the lowest voter turn out in our history. Who do you non-voters think you are, American?