The Blind Side

White people learn that Black people can be fixed if you spend enough money on them... as long as they’re Christian.

Nominated for:

Best Actress - Sandra Bullock
Best Picture

I learned the following from watching this movie:

- It’s ok to take strange homeless kids into your home as long as they are really dumb, so they won’t know what to steal.

- If you are a homeless kid, you should only get into a stranger’s car if they are rich and white and Christian. And Republican.

- Christian private schools have no problem taking on charity case students who are way below grade point average, as long as they write grammatically-incorrect-but-heartfelt essays about respecting authority like a good little soldier.

- If you are a good person and work hard, God will bless you with a lot of money, and no psychological problems whatsoever.

- All black people are dumb and/or drug dealers.

- If your mother is a crack whore, just close your eyes while “bad stuff” happens, and eventually you’ll turn out alright.

This movie is pure schlock. I probably would have vomited all over myself during this viewing if I hadn’t been so goddamned bored (20 minutes in, I was checking my watch). The writing is terrible, worse then that Paul Haggis crap.

Don’t ever watch this movie. In fact, all you’d need to watch is the trailer, since its a lot more exciting. Sandra Bullock can do, and has done, much better. Everyone else involved in this movie should go jump off a bridge.

Best Actress? NO.

Best Picture? Please.

Sandra Bullock in her glory days.